Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

I have been wondering, most of my life, what the hell is wrong with me.  Despite my amazingly horrible childhood, I believed I was SO different from everyone on this planet.  Even when I was young, I didn't feel very much joy.  We were raised in a highly negative, abusive, depressing environment.  My family is also riddled with social disorders.  None of these have been diagnosed (except for mine) but I know they are there.
This blog is not a plea for pity.  This is simply what is on my mind and why it may be on my mind.  I have been studying Borderline Personality Disorder (my currently diagnosis from a professional).  I find it fascinating to finally identify with something.  I am a text book case, minus the suicidal thoughts and majorly aggressive behavior.  I was a cutter, I have had a few addictions, I have depression (mild to moderate) nearly all the time without medication, sometimes I have trouble sleeping, sometimes I over eat for weeks at a time, I am very pessimistic, sometimes I have difficulty controlling my emotions, feeling of never ending disappointment (in myself mostly), I perceive negative emotions from people when none are present, a lot of guilt, loss of interest, poor concentration, poor memory, anxiety in social settings...these are some of the symptoms that I have.  I was diagnosed with Dysthymic Depression when I was younger.  This basically means long lasting low to moderate depression.  But, it didn't seem to encompass all of the issues I was having.  Now, I think I finally have an explanation.
To me, this is not a disease.  Disease is defined as something that occurs in a previously healthy person.  I think I have always been this way, and some may be genetic.  But sadly, I do not believe I was ever a "previously healthy person".
It is very difficult for me to have relationships.  Most of my friends are no longer my friends (can't really blame them), a few of my family members have written me off (not too sad about that, really) because they also suffer from living in some kind of non reality where I am the bad guy and they can do no wrong.  My husband does not really understand me.  Although he is pretty patient with me, it is hard for me to deal with this when I feel he does not think that BPD is "real".  Maybe this is a non realistic perception on my part, but I am pretty sure he thinks I should just "pull myself up by my bootstraps"....but it is not that easy.  I do not have the energy or motivation sometimes to get up off the floor far enough to reach my "bootstraps"
Anyways, I know some people that read this will be able to identify with a lot if not all of this.  I also know a lot of people that read this will have no idea what I am talking about.  I am just putting this out there to help me set my mind straight, and maybe help a few people understand why they are the way they are and there is something that can be done about it, it just takes A LOT of work :)