Ever feel like you don't belong? How about almost every day in your own house/life? I feel like an outcast and some may say it is my own fault. Maybe so, but some things do not help...like constantly being critiqued about EVERYTHING that I say and do. Or always being told to "take my pills" when I am just somewhat upset. How are things like this going to help me? Imagine someone standing behind you every second pointing out every single thing that you say and do, always in my ear telling me that I shouldn't be saying this, or I shouldn't be feeling that, or I should write in my journal, or I should go take my pills.
Not only that, but imagine someone that does not believe that what you are going through (depression) is real. Or that your really messed up childhood is no excuse for being depressed, or down, or angry. Or that I should just "pull myself up by my bootstraps". I wish it was that easy. If I could reach my bootstraps, I would have pulled myself up already. Now imagine that this person that constantly critiques, angers, annoys, adds stress instead of unloading is the one person you are supposed to trust to be there for you, lift you up instead of knocking you down.
I know my feelings are my own fault, but I have not yet learned how to control these things, hence therapy and medication. But, people need to understand that not everyone is the same. Not everyone reacts to things the same, and not everyone is perfect....like some obviously believe they are.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Today I feel as though a change is needed. I have thought and thought and thought about how I can have a home based business, go to a physical work place only when I want to, oh and no more kids!! I am thinking along the lines of marketing/event planning/writer of some sort. Or, combining all of them! I looked on the internet for anything that would help and so far NOTHING! I either found sites that want you to write an article and they may pay you $2.50 IF they pick yours, to sites that offer event planning courses (for a hundred dollars or so). I feel defeated :( Any ideas? I feel as though I am in a cage and need to break free! Problem is, once I break free I would probably just sit on top of the stupid cage, too petrified with fear to leave!!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Dear Diary
My daughter has been totally in love with the movie Wall E after watching only half of it on cable. So, I bought her the $20 movie (I don't even buy $20 movies for myself). After watching it everyday, she says "I want Wall E". OK. So, Christmas is coming and all she has been saying is "I want a robot, Santa will bring me a robot" for weeks now. I looked up Wall E robots online and they are only on Amazon or Ebay, expensive, and hard to get a week before Christmas. I finally find a $100 Wall E on Ebay. I order it. Luckily, her Grandma and Grandpa agreed to pay for half! I am so excited, thinking I am the best parent ever and she will have the best present ever delivered to my door on Monday! So tonight we go to visit Santa. She says "I want a robot". We get home and I say something about Santa bringing her a Wall E robot. She says "No, not Wall E, a robot". WHAT?! After a long inquisition, " a robot" means Eve, the female robot on Wall E...not Wall E :( I RUN into my house and grab my laptop. I first email the Ebay seller, telling him how sorry I am that I will be needing to return the $100 robot that I ordered. Then, to Amazon to find an Eve robot, that will be delivered before Christmas. Luckily I found one, but put it on the wrong account and with the wrong shipping. It was going to arrive after Christmas :( I had to cancel my order, then re order the Eve robot again. OMGosh!!! Santa has got nothin on me!
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