Today is my first day without Welbutrin. I took my last pill night before last night. I hope I will start to feel better soon. By feel better I mean be less angry. I do not like being angry, waking up ready to fight with the word. I dislike getting annoyed by every little thing. I have NEVER been "happy go lucky" but I have been generally happy. Now I am almost always miserable. I may keep my mouth shut about it, but deep down I want to go crawl in a hole and sleep for at least a week. I feel overwhelmed every day. I feel overwhelmed about everything. I have lost focus with school. I have lost focus with life in general. I do not know how to make myself happy anymore. I do not feel like I like anything in life.
I am not just ranting about feeling blue. I seriously have an everyday decrease of happiness. I feel helpless. I know deep down that I am not helpless, that a lot of it is in my own mind, BUT I feel incapable of doing anything about it. It is like being mentally paralyzed. I know what I need to do, I just cannot force my mind to move.
Anyways, I am praying that in the next few days I will no longer feel miserable. I am not exaggerating about feeling miserable. There is no reason for me to be miserable, which frustrates me even more. I am tired of feeling unable to help myself. I am tired of gaining weight. I am tired of being tired, literally tired all the time. Like I said, right now I would love nothing more than to go in a hole and sleep for at least a week. Hopefully, the person I truly am is still inside this shell.
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