Antidepressants are depressing

I have been reading (thanks to a friend) about studies that show antidepressants do not work as well as people think they do.  In fact, they may cause people to do things they would never normally do, as in, kill people.  It makes sense to me.  Since I have been on meds, there have been many ups and downs.  At first, it was amazing.  I felt happy.  Slowly, I have told my doctor that they seemed to not be working.  She recommended uping the dose.  Then, when that no longer worked, she added another pill.  So, I was taking three of one medication and one of another medication, daily.  Plus, I was given a fast acting medication meant to be short term.  I have been on them for a long time.  I used to take two almost everyday.  Now I take two a day for about a week when it is near my period.
So what benefit have I gotten from all of this medication?  A false belief that they are working.  I have tried to cut back on them several times only to be told by my husband that I needed to get back on them, full strength.  He and I have to realize that it is going to take time to get off of the pills.  I have relied on them, thinking they were making me better.  But they only mask the hurt that is causing my negative feelings.  To be truly liberated from my negativity, I have to be liberated from my medication.
Some of my side effects have been anger, headaches, severe episodes of depression.  I remember back to before I was taking the medication.  I was generally happy.  After my daughter was born and I started working at home, I began to feel isolated, trapped.  This in turn made me depressed.  I thought that medication was the answer.  I went to a therapist that diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder.  I do agree with that analysis, but I think my symptoms have gotten far worse than they ever were.  I also now believe that the only way to truly be better is to get off the meds and replace them with yoga, meditation, and things that used to make me happy.  It is horrible to never feel truly happy.  I think the medicine has been blocking my real happiness. 
So, come spring, I am going off of the medication.  Until then, I am studying my "disorder" and learning how to take care of this once and for all.  I am researching how to heal myself, my soul, my thoughts.  Then I will be ready to truly be normal.